I know many parts of my brilliance now, but I didn’t always. For years, I was working really hard with little to show for it. I was frustrated; I knew I was capable of making a big impact but I just couldn’t make a dent. Doubt, insecurity and fear set in. My inner critic screamed, “You aren’t cut out to be an entrepreneur. Obviously everyone else has figured it out and you’re so lost and confused.” Then, I went into the dark parts of myself, the parts I hid away for fear of rejection or judgement and I sat down and I got curious. I asked hard questions. I challenged the stories that kept me stuck and struggling for so long. I found my brilliance, my genius, my zone of magnificent magic. It wasn’t lost, but it was buried under a heap of crap I had to deal with. I had it all along, and you do too.
One of the thickest layers dulling my shine happened in March 2006, when I was 5 months pregnant with baby #3. I woke up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom. When I stood up, I blacked out and fell on the floor, falling on my tummy. I lay there paralyzed for over 5 hours, frozen and frightened. What if I hurt the baby? What if my 4 year old or 2 year old wake up in the bed beside me and see I can’t move? What if I never move again? After hours of begging, pleading, and negotiating with the universe, finally everything swirled, everything hurt, and then I was able to move. I woke my two sleeping babies up and raced to the hospital. That was the start of an eight month odyssey. My son was born in July, healthy and strong, thank God. However, my symptoms continued. My brain crashed a few more times, leaving me devastated as a new mom, a dedicated wife, a Type-A go-getter. The medical testing, poking and prodding continued. Finally, in November 2006, my neurological team told me they didn’t know what I had, but it was going to kill me.
I spent the next few years dying. Then one day I had a massive wake-up call and I decided to fight to be the best mom for my kids. I chose to live more fully and more expansively than I ever had before. I set big goals and mapped out the best way for me to reach them with joy and ease. Pushing my non-diagnosis into the back of my mind, I changed everything.
On a personal note, I decided I wanted to see the world. I had to turn the 5 year death date into something powerful and positive and I vowed to visit 50 countries before I turn 50- a huge goal at the time. In January 2020, my hubby, three teens and I returned from country #49.
On a professional note, I ran a massive lifestyle conference for women for many years, and I’ve published three books, the most recent in June 2020. Nowadays, I write, coach and speak about The 5 Seasons as a new mental model for facing and getting through challenges in our family lives, love relationships and businesses. I’ve spoken at events and conferences across the U.S. and Canada, and plan to continue sharing the 5 Season message. I just love the moment when I feel the collective heartbeat of everyone in the room, synchronized and connected energetically. I love the magic moments so very much!
Like everyone with a chronic, debilitating condition, it has been challenging. I have spent more time in my personal Winter than I care to admit. I used to feel it was a curse, but I now say I received the gift of a degenerative brain disease and I’m ready to shine in more ways than I ever have before. Now, I take risks. I step up. I speak up. I show up so others can see they don’t have to stay in their secret shame, their darkness, their self-shrinking-self-suffocating fears any longer. Come shine with me!
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